Your Sexuality

Sexuality is a basic human condition. It can affect the way you look, feel, and act. Understanding the changes you are going through makes it easier to cope.

Physical Changes

Some time between the ages 8 and 10 years, most girls' bodies start to change. This time of change is called puberty. As you reach puberty, a part of your brain tells your sex glands, the ovaries, to start working. The sex glands then signal other parts of your body to start to grow. These signals are carried by hormones. Hormones make your body change and start looking more like an adult. Over time, the following changes will occur:

• Your breasts grow.
• Your hips grow wider.
• You gain weight and grow taller.
• You grow hair under your arms and around your genitals.
• You get your first menstrual period.
• You may get acne.
• You start to ovulate.

Boys' bodies also change during puberty. These changes happen when their testes start working. This usually occurs between the ages 12 and 14 years:

• Their testes and penis get bigger.
• The hair on their bodies grows thicker.
• They start to grow hair on their faces, under their arms, and around the genitals.
• Their voices get deeper.
• Their testes begin to make sperm.
• They may get acne.

Emotional Changes

During your teen years, the hormones that cause the sex organs to grow and function also cause strong feelings, including sexual feelings. You may get these feelings for someone of the other sex or the same sex. Thinking about sex or just wanting to hear or read about sex is normal. So is wanting to be held and touched. But you must decide how far you are ready to go with these sexual feelings.

Homosexuality and Bisexuality

Many teens wonder, "Am I gay or lesbian?" Things they have done—holding hands with a friend of the same sex, looking at or touching each other's genitals—may make them worry and even feel guilty. These activities are normal in growing girls, and physical affection is common among many women. Many boys and girls are attracted to members of their own sex during puberty. Some discover their homosexuality during these years.

Coping Know how you really feel about your sexuality. Get to know someone well before you share your dreams, secrets, wishes, or body. Avoid situations that may pressure or force you to have sex and may be hard to handle. Do not try to experience everything in life at once. You have plenty of time. Take responsibility for your actions. Know how they will affect you and others. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Drug use and underage drinking is illegal, harmful, and can cloud your judgement.

Homosexuality (or "being gay or lesbian") is being emotionally and sexually attracted to a person of the same sex. Bisexuality is being attracted to both sexes. Being homosexual is not a choice a person makes or something that can be changed. Some people may have a hard time talking about being gay or lesbian. Some may not be accepted by their families and friends. This may lead to feeling lonely, depressed, or even considering suicide. If you think you may be homosexual or bisexual and feel confused or unhappy, talk to someone you know well and can trust.

Sex

During sexual intercourse, or vaginal sex, the boy's hard penis goes into the girl's vagina and moves in and out. This can lead to orgasm. Orgasm also can occur during oral sex or masturbation. During vaginal sex, when a boy has orgasm, he spurts semen, which contains millions of sperm into the girl's vagina. The sperm can swim up into the uterus and then a fallopian tube where one can fertilize an egg. If the couple isn't using any birth control, the girl can become pregnant.

Birth control is used to prevent pregnancy. If you have sex and do not want to get pregnant, use birth control every time. Learn about the different kinds of birth control.

Some birth control methods, such as a latex condom, help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) (see box). Your doctor can help you choose birth control that is right for you.

Other Forms of Sexual Expression

Touching or rubbing your own genitals (clitoris and vagina in girls and penis in boys) can give you pleasure. This is known as masturbation. It can help you learn what kind of touch makes you feel good. Masturbation can let you enjoy your sexuality without having sex with another person before you are ready.

Touching your partner's genitals or other parts of his or her body can provide sexual pleasure. Touching will not cause pregnancy and is less likely to cause an STD than other forms of sex.

Oral sex is when one partner's mouth comes into contact with the other partner's genitals. Although this form of sex does not cause pregnancy, it can spread STDs. Some teens believe it is not really sex and do not protect themselves. They may even have oral sex with more than one person or with a person they do not know well. This behavior increases the risk of getting an STD.

Another form of sex is anal sex, in which the penis is placed into the other partner's anus. This form of sex also does not cause pregnancy, but it can greatly increase the risk of getting an STD, including human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection. Anal sex can cause tiny tears in the anus. A virus or bacteria causing the STD may enter the body through these tears and spread or sperm may leak into the vagina when the penis is withdrawn.

How to Use a Condom Using a condom the right way can prevent pregnancy and protect you and your partner against STDs. A condom should be put on before you have sex, not during. To use the male condom, place the rolled-up condom over the tip of the erect penis. Hold the end of the condom to allow a little extra space at the tip. With the other hand, unroll the condom over the penis. Right after ejaculation, hold the condom against the base of the penis while it is withdrawn from the vagina. Then throw the condom away. To use the female condom, squeeze the inner ring between your fingers and insert it into the vagina (like a tampon). Push the inner ring into the vagina as far as it can go. Let the outer ring hang about an inch outside your body. Guide the penis through the outer ring. Right after ejaculation, squeeze and twist the outer ring and pull the pouch out gently. Like the male condom, it should be thrown away—never use it again. Do not use the male and female condom at the same time. It makes both condoms more likely to break.

Making a Decision to Have Sex

With all the sex being shown on television, in movies, and in music videos, it is easy to think "everyone is doing it." But that is not true. It may be true that about one half of high school juniors and seniors have had sex. But that also means that about one half have not.

Ask yourself what your feelings are about sex. Are you really ready for sex? If you are dating, do you know how the other person feels about sex? Make up your own mind about when is the right time to have sex. Do not have sex just because:

• You think everyone else is.
• You think it will make you more popular.
• You are talked into it.
• You are afraid the other person will break up with you if you do not.
• You feel that it will make you a "real" woman.

If you are not ready for sex, say so, and stick to your decision. It is okay to say "no." If the other person truly cares about you, he or she will respect your decision.

If someone tries to pressure you into having sex, say no. Think ahead of time about lines you might hear and how you will respond. The following examples can work for girls or boys:

• "If you love me, you will have sex with me."

  Answer: "If you really love me, you will not pressure me."

• "You are the only one I will ever love."

  Answer: "Good, then we will have lots of time later."

• "Do not tell me you are still a virgin!" Answer: "That is not the point. I just do not want to have sex now."

Finally...

Being a teen can be both exciting and confusing. You face many decisions. To be sure you make the right ones, talk with someone you trust—your parents, your doctor, a teacher, a school counselor, or a coach—if you have questions. You also can visit your local or school library and read books about being a teen. Being well informed can help you make good choices as you deal with your newfound sexuality.

Glossary

Acne: Inflammation of pores mostly on face, chest, or back resulting in pink or red pimples, which can sometimes fill with dirt, bacteria, and oil and form whiteheads or blackheads.

Clitoris: An organ that is located near the opening to the vagina and is a source of female sexual excitement.

Fallopian Tube: One of two tubes through which an egg travels from the ovary to the uterus.

Genitals: The sexual or reproductive organs.

Hormones: Substances produced by the body to control the functions of various organs.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV): A virus that attacks certain cells in the body's immune system and causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS).

Masturbation: Self-stimulation of the genitals, usually resulting in orgasm.

Menstrual Period: The monthly discharge of blood and tissue from the uterus that occurs in the absence of pregnancy.

Orgasm: The climax of sexual excitement.

Ovaries: Two glands, located on either side of the uterus, that contain the eggs released at ovulation and produce hormones.

Ovulate: When an egg is released from one of the ovaries.

Penis: An external male sex organ.

Sexual Intercourse: The act of the penis entering the vagina (also called "having sex" or "making love").

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs): Diseases that are spread by sexual contact.

Sperm: A male cell that is produced in the testes and can fertilize a female egg cell.

Testes: Two male organs that produce the sperm and male sex hormones.

Uterus: A muscular organ located in the female pelvis that contains and nourishes the developing fetus during pregnancy.

Vagina: A tube-like structure surrounded by muscles leading from the uterus to the outside of the body.

This Patient Education Pamphlet was developed under the direction of the Committee on Patient Education of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Designed as an aid to patients, it sets forth current information and opinions on subjects related to women's health. The average readability level of the series, based on the Fry formula, is grade 6–8. The Suitability Assessment of Materials (SAM) instrument rates the pamphlets as "superior." To ensure the information is current and accurate, the pamphlets are reviewed every 18 months. The information in this pamphlet does not dictate an exclusive course of treatment or procedure to be followed and should not be construed as excluding other acceptable methods of practice. Variations taking into account the needs of the individual patient, resources, and limitations unique to the institution or type of practice may be appropriate.

Copyright © July 2006 by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, posted on the Internet, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.

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