This pamphlet will tell you about the physical and emotional changes a woman experiences in pregnancy and how these changes may affect you. It will also offer tips on how you can be involved in the pregnancy.

Prospects for Parenthood

The news that you will soon be a father can bring many emotions. You may feel joy and excitement about becoming a father. At the same time, you may wonder if you can meet the financial and emotional responsibilities of raising your baby. You also may be concerned about how pregnancy and a child will change your life and your relationship with your partner, including your sexual relationship.

These feelings are normal. Talking openly about your concerns can help you cope with your emotions. Remember, your partner is also having new and mixed feelings. Encouraging her to discuss them will help you both.

Importance of Fathers

Children need their fathers as much as their mothers. Your role as a father can begin long before your baby is born. You can have a positive effect on this pregnancy. Women with supportive partners have fewer health problems in pregnancy and more positive feelings about their changing bodies. Also, labor and delivery is easier and shorter for women whose partners take an active role.

Physical and Emotional Aspects of Pregnancy

Pregnancy lasts about 40 weeks. The "due date" is only an estimate of when the baby will be born. In fact, only about 1 in 20 babies are born on the due date. Most babies are born shortly before or after that date.

Physical and emotional changes occur throughout pregnancy and affect most aspects of your partner's life—eating, sleeping, sex, and work. They will affect you, too. These changes are normal but will sometimes be uncomfortable for your partner and confusing for both of you. Knowing what to expect and talking openly about it will help both of you have a positive experience.

Early Pregnancy

Early in pregnancy (up to the first 14 weeks), most women feel tired, need more sleep, urinate frequently, and have sore breasts. Nausea and vomiting are also common. Although these symptoms are known as "morning sickness," they can happen at any time of the day or night. Think about how you can be helpful during this time—assuming more household duties, being available, and spending more time together.

Early pregnancy can be an emotional time for a woman. Sudden changes in mood are common. Mixed feelings are common for you, too. You may be concerned about her health. At the same time, you may feel left out as she focuses on her changing body and emotions. Knowing that these changes are a natural part of early pregnancy will help you to support your partner and resolve some of your own feelings.

Working together for a healthy lifestyle will benefit you, your partner, and your baby. You both can adapt your life styles to include a balanced diet, and plenty of rest. Since she must stop any use of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs, this is a good time for you to stop as well.

Middle Pregnancy

For most women, the middle of pregnancy (weeks 14-28) is the most enjoyable part. As the woman's body adjusts to being pregnant, she usually begins to feel better. Her normal energy level returns, and morning sickness usually goes away.

As your partner's abdomen grows, the pregnancy becomes more obvious. Soon you will both be able to feel the fetus move and may listen to its heartbeat during visits for prenatal care. This is an exciting time for both of you.

Late Pregnancy

In the later part of pregnancy, your partner may again feel some discomfort as her body readies for birth and the fetus grows larger. She may have trouble sleeping and doing routine tasks that require moving around.

Your partner may be impatient with the pregnancy and be both excited and fearful about the upcoming birth. You may fear for the safety of your partner and child during childbirth and may be anxious about how you will react during birth. These feelings are normal.

Pregnancy and Sexuality

The changes of pregnancy can affect sexuality and levels of sexual desire for both of you. It is normal for a woman's sex drive to change with the stages of pregnancy as her body image changes and discomforts come and go. Your sexual feelings may also change as the pregnancy progresses. You may find your partner at times more attractive and at times less so. Discussing your needs and emotions will help you enjoya happy and satisfying sexual relationship during pregnancy.

Some women don't feel attractive during pregnancy and may need to be reassured. Some men find women to be even more sexually appealing during pregnancy.

Many couples wonder if sex is safe in pregnancy and if intercourse will harm the baby. In most pregnancies, sex is considered safe and healthy. The woman's comfort should be the most important guide during sex. As pregnancy advances, you and your partner may wish to have sex in positions that don't put pressure on her abdomen, such as with her on top or by lying side by side. If you have any concerns about having sex during pregnancy, talk with your doctor.

If there are health problems with the pregnancy, ask your doctor whether sex will be safe. You may be advised to modify your lovemaking.

Prenatal Care

Consider going to all or some of your partner's prenatal visits to stay informed of how the pregnancy is progressing. Prenatal visits are brief, but can be longer if you have questions or need special care. The visits are once a month until later in pregnancy, when they are more frequent.

At each visit, your partner will be weighed and tests will be done to check the progress of the pregnancy. The doctor or nurse will check fetal activity and look for signs or symptoms of preterm labor. He or she will also assess the growth and health of the fetus by measuring the woman's abdomen and by listening to the fetus's heartbeat.

Prenatal visits are a good time to discuss your role in the delivery room, as well as any other concerns you may have. You may also want to take childbirth classes so you'll be prepared to take an active role in labor and delivery. Childbirth classes can help couples get ready for the demands of childbirth. These classes can help both of you feel more in control of the situation (see box).

Childbirth Classes Childbirth preparation classes are designed to give information on labor and delivery. They offer another way for expectant fathers to be actively involved with pregnancy and birth. Childbirth classes can ease your and your partner's fears and teach techniques for coping with the discomfort that most women have during childbirth. Classes usually seek to relieve discomfort through general principles of educatoin, support, relaxation, paced breathing, focusing, and touch. If you have questions, ask them. The goal of childbirth classes is to make you as informed and comfortable as possible. Talk with your partner about what she expects of you and how involved you want to be during labor and delivery.

Labor and Birth

Your role during labor and birth is to provide emotional support and comfort to your partner. Here are some things you can do during labor:

• Do things with your partner to distract her—especially during the early part of labor—such as playing cards or games, talking, reading aloud, or walking.
• Time her contractions.
• Rub her back if she wishes.
• Act as a focal point and breathe with her during contractions.

You are also there to enjoy the birth of your child. There may be points at which you feel uncomfortable or queasy. This is normal. But, try to stay and help your partner through delivery. Being there and being part of your child's birth is an important and special time.

If a problem arises, you may be asked to leave the delivery room. In the best interest of the mother and baby, you should leave right away if asked. There may not be time to explain why at that moment. This is done to move delivery along quickly, not to exclude the father. The reason will be explained later, when time permits.

Some fathers decide not to attend labor and birth. If you make this decision, there are other ways to support your partner. Take an active role in caring for the mother and baby after the birth, even before they leave the hospital.

Cesarean Birth

Sometimes babies are born by cesarean birth—delivery of the baby through an incision in the woman's abdomen and uterus. A cesarean delivery is major surgery. It is performed when a vaginal birth becomes risky for the woman or the baby, or both. Some cesarean births are planned in advance, but most of them happen unexpectedly.

Most hospitals permit the father to be present in the operating room during a cesarean birth, where he can comfort his partner. In some cases, especially in an emergency, however, this may not be possible.

The new mother will need help in recovering from a cesarean birth. During her recovery you play a vital role in caring for both mother and baby. Be sensitive to the fact that your partner may be disappointed or feel as though she failed by not delivering vaginally. Tell her this is not true—she hasn't failed.

The Postpartum Period

The postpartum period is the first 6 weeks after birth. A woman's body again goes through dramatic changes as it recovers from the physical stress of birth and adjusts to not being pregnant. Your partner will have light bleeding, like a menstrual period, for 4-6 weeks and may have stitches from the birth that cause discomfort. Her breasts may be sore, whether or not she is breastfeeding. If the baby was born by cesarean birth, the incision on your partner's abdomen may be uncomfortable. It will take time for her to regain her usual strength.

The postpartum period is a time of adjustment. It can be trying for both of you. New parents are often overwhelmed by the demands placed on them. It is very common for new mothers to feel sad, afraid, or anxious after childbirth. Most new mothers have these feelings in a mild form called postpartum blues or "baby blues." When these feelings are more extreme and last longer, however, they signal a more serious condition called postpartum depression. Postpartum depression may require counseling and treatment.

You will become closer to your new child by helping to take care of the baby. Be prepared to take part in all aspects of care, such as changing diapers, bathing, and cuddling the baby. If you have older children at home, spend extra time with them to help them get used to being big brothers or sisters. By sharing the care of the baby with your partner, you will provide the support she needs and gain confidence in your own parenting skills.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding provides a special closeness between mother and infant. It is the best way to feed the baby. Mother's milk is the best food for any infant. It has the right amount of all the nutrients the baby needs, such as sugar, protein, vitamins, and fat.

Breastfeeding can, however, be difficult and tiring at times for the woman. If your partner has chosen to breastfeed, you can help by bringing the baby to your partner for feedings and by burping the baby afterward. When breastfeeding is well established, consider feeding your baby with a bottle from time to time. Your partner can express some breast milk (massage or pump her breasts to release milk) or you can use formula occasionally. This gives you a chance to get closer to your baby and gives your partner a rest.

Sexuality

Before you and your partner start having sex again, you should wait until her healing process is complete to avoid hurting delicate tissues. Sexual intercourse can be resumed as soon as she feels comfortable—usually in several weeks. If it is painful, see a doctor. It is important for both of you to discuss this beforehand with her doctor and with each other so you will not misunderstand each other or feel frustrated later.

Even if a woman isn't having a period or is breastfeeding, she can become pregnant. Birth control should be used shortly after birth.

Finally...

Having a baby is a family affair. Fathers are important parents, right from the start. The more informed and involved you are during pregnancy, the better the experience will be for you, your partner, and your new baby.